He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
