I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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