I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
