Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
