I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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