Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Houston, we have a squirter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
