I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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