This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
