I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
