All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
