Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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