You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
