i permit you to call me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
