I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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