I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
