Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
