and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
