If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
