Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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