we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
