I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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