This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
