I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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