He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
