That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
