Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
