I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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