U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sarcasm needs its own font
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
