so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
