My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
