My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
