I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
