Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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