i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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