Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
