umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize