left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
where are my eyebrows?
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