I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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