i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
