That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
