this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
