God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
