i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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