He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize