I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
