i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish i was in the wii world.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm bleeding and have questions
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
