Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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