i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
