i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
