nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
