the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
