i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
