Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
