hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
