No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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