u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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