I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
