She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
