So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize