He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
