I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
