By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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