Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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