what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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