i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
