I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
