And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
