you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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