Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to have your abortion
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
