The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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