the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
