She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
