i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
