I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So vagazzling was a success
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
