you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
