My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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