I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize