And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
