my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
