she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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