So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
