Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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