no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
