you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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