On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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