Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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