I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
