i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
