Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
