walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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