Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
