The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
