I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
