Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
