you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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