Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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