I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
