If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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