i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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