I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
