your thong is hanging out like whoa
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize