Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize