I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
