i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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