after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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