does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
